Transcript: USS Quirinus
SD: 10211.04
Episode 14: "Dumb and Dumber"

Scene: While en route towards the nearest Federation Starbase traveling at Warp 5 to update stellar charts, then out of no where a ship is picked up on Long Range Sensors, it's the Pakled.

<FM_LittleGoo> RECAP: The Quirinus proceeds towards home cruising at Warp 5, allowing sensors to update spatial charts of the area automatically.
<FM_LittleGoo> [[[[[ Begin Mission - Stardate 10211.04 ]]]]]
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> ::On the bridge, working through a pile of reports::
<FCO_Cmdr_Ved> :: At helm reviewing possible pallet rotations to perform at next Starbase Space dock stop over::
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> ::is at Bridge station performing system checks::
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::stares absently into space, wondering how much in bribes it would cost her to get an hour or two of uninterrupted bubble bath time::
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> :: In the lab off his office, finishing adjustments to a positronic net before going on duty ::
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> ::walks up to XO:: XO: Sir may I see you in private, in the conference room.
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::...a few candles... soothing music....::
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> ::clammy:: OPS: Certainly, lead on.::gets up::
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::letting out a curse she hits the floor with an audible thump as she is startled by the slam of her office door:: OUCH!
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> ::hears beep and goes over to console momentarily:: XO: Sorry, excuse me a second sir
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> :: completes adjustments, smiles, and shuts down the experiment. Leaves lab and enters turbo lift :: Computer: Bridge.
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> XO: Sir, unidentified ship on Long Range Sensors, 10 minutes until identification.
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> :: exits TL at bridge ::
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> OPS: Let me know when you're ready::sits back down, looks at ops:: Any idea what size ship? Configuration?
<FCO_Cmdr_Ved> *ME*: Please verify Helm response the simulation I just sent.
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::looks up, glaring at the laughing figure standing in the middle of her office:: Johnston: I'll have you know I was having a perfectly good me moment you know. ::sighs as she climbs to her feet:: Whatcha need?
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> XO: Nothing sir
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> :: nods to Pangborn :: Good day, Commander.
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> :: assumes station at Science One, notes incoming sensor data on unidentified ship ::
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> ::nods at Kraight:: CSO: We have an unidentified ship on LRS try and see who they are
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> XO: Should I launch probe sir?
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> XO: Aye, sir.
<FCO_Cmdr_Ved> *<ME>* :Helm: response well within normal parameters.
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> OPS: I want an ID as soon as possible, hold off on that probe for the moment, but have it ready
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> C: Computer: scan unidentified ship and report any matches in ship profile database.
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> :: taps LCARS panel, tightens scan on the other ship's engineering section ::
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> <Johnston> ::smirking:: CMO: Just thought you might be interested in the FCO's test results.  You were right, btw.  The tumor/infection/whatever you want to call it is no longer growing.
<FM_LittleGoo> <C> Kraight: Silhouette indicates a Signus Freighter design, Epsilon Class.
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::nods, rubbing her now sore hiney::  Johnston: Now we just need to shrink the damn thing into nothingness.
<FCO_Cmdr_Ved> :: Goes to TAC station and brings sensors online.
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> OPS: Hail the ship
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> XO: Ship is an Epsilon class freighter manufactured by Signus. Sensors indicate excessive radiation and EM emissions.
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> XO: I got something sir, Pakled transponder code
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> <Johnston> CMO: Try the radiation again?  It seemed to work last time... kind of.
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> OPS: Can you decode it?
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> XO: Scanning for life signs...
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> Johnston: Failing that - we remove it.  ::nod a dismissal:: Thanks Xara.  Let me know if anything changes.
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> XO: Attempting to do so
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> <Johnston> CMO: Will do.  ::exits::
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> CSO: Life signs yet?
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> XO: I am also attempting to hail them
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> COMM: Pakled Ship: This is the U.S.S. Quirinus of the United Federation of Planets to Pakled ship please respond
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> XO: EM and radiation are making bio scans difficult. Attempting to screen out interference...
<FM_LittleGoo> <Pakleds> COMM Quirinus: ..they can't hear us.  The light is red.  We must talk with them.  They are smart.
<FM_LittleGoo> <Pakled 2> COMM Quirinus: Doesn't red light mean we are talking to them.  
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::takes off for the bridge::
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> XO: Well, I guess there's life on board, sir.
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> COMM: Pakled Ship: We here you can you hear us Pakled
<FM_LittleGoo> <Pakled 3> COMM Quirinus: No.  They are smart they will make sure they can hear us.  ::Hears comm:: See, they fixed it.
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> OPS: Ask them if they require assistance. They're leaking radiation all over the p[lace
<FM_LittleGoo> <Pakled 1> COMM Quirinus: We hear you Keer'n'us
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> ::thinks back to self about previous Pakled encounter the Federation had::
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::enters onto the bridge unobserved and watches for a moment::
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> COMM: Pakled Ship: Do you need help of any kind Pakled ship we detect radiation leaking from your ship
<FM_LittleGoo> <Pakled> COMM Quirinus: We are lost.  Can you take us home?  Can you fix us?
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::hears the voices and rolls her eyes.  Great.  Them again.::
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> OPS: Inquire as to exactly what systems are malfunctioning
<FCO_Cmdr_Ved> ::Notices the Dr.: CMO: We have a Pakled vessel leaking vast amounts of radiation. You may consider taking precautions.
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> COMM: Pakled Ship: We need to know what is 'broken' and we also need you to hold position
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> XO: Sir, if we can patch into their computer system, we should be able to get a diagnostic in short order.
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::takes in the information and nods, heading for the med consol:: Ved: Understood.  Thanks.
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> FCO: Raise shields. I don't want any or their radiation
<FM_LittleGoo> <Pakled> COMM Quirinus: There are a lot of red lights.  They are all flashing.  We turned off the noise.  We miss the green lights.
<FCO_Cmdr_Ved> XO: Aye sir raising shields: OPS: Advise the Pakleds we are doing so the protect the ship from the poison they are spilling in space.
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> COMM: Pakled Ship: Hold position we will be there soon. ::pauses communication::
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> ::gives the "cut" sign to OPS::
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::sends a quick message to sickbay to prepare to distribute Hyronalin for possible radiation exposure::
<FM_LittleGoo> ACTION: The Pakled ship moves towards the Quirinus
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> XO: Sir I suggest we launch a probe to make sure this is no trap and also to evaluate the Pakled situation
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> XO: Sir never mind they are moving toward us
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> OPS: Organize an away team of engineers to go over and see what is the matter. Have them outfitted in environmental suits to hedge against the radiation
<FCO_Cmdr_Ved> XO: Sir keeping the Pakleds at equidistance from the Q
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::hears OPS and recalling what experiences they'd had previously with the Pakleds she's not sure they could spring a trap if they'd actually managed to create one::
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> OPS: Inform them to hold their position, and we will help. If they do not hold their position, we will not help
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> XO: I suggest a tractor beam to keep them away from us, shall I?
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> XO: Commander... shall we ask the Pakleds for a computer tie-in?
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> COMM: Pakled Ship: ::opens channel:: Pakled ship hold position or we can not assist you
<FCO_Cmdr_Ved> CSO: I don't think that is wise Ensign.
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> CSO: Yes, make the inquiry, however make sure it is a one way communication, I don't want them rummaging out database
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> :: raises eyebrow ::
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> XO: Understood, sir.
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> FCO: Keep us at a safe distance until they comply
<FM_LittleGoo> <Pakled> COMM Quirinus: We are coming so you can help us.
<FM_LittleGoo> <Pakled> COMM Quirinus: We make job easy
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::approaches Ved and stops next to him:: <w> FCO: Its not the time or place but I thought you might like to know that the tumor has stopped growing.  Now we need to focus on getting rid of it.
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> COMM: Pakled Ship: Hold position please you are not helping it is not easy if you stay where you are we can help you
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> COMM: Pakled vessel: We can assist you best if you will allow us access to your computer systems. Please transmit your prefix code.
<FCO_Cmdr_Ved> XO: Aye sir. shields holding steady.
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> ::pauses communications::
<FM_LittleGoo> <Pakled> COMM Quirinus: Make us better.  ::Sends code, it’s the default 1234567890::  Code sent, we are good.
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> COMM: Pakled ship: Thank you.
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> ::irritated:: The next time the move towards us, fire a phaser volley across there port bow, but do not injure them
<FCO_Cmdr_Ved> :: Looks over at the XO :: Aye sir understood
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> CSO: Let me know what you come up with
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> XO: Sir may I suggest we increase sensor system output to scan them before we board them we have seen what happened the first time we encountered them in the Federation.
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> OPS: Make it so
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> C: Computer: establish data and control tie-in to Pakled vessel computers, prefix code 1234567890. Establish Level One command firewalls on all command pathways.
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> ::increases the sensors output and begins scans of the Pakled::
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::steps back out of the way and just kinda watches everything happening::
<FCO_Cmdr_Ved> :: Goes to TAC Console and prepares what amounts to a fireworks display to keep the Pakleds a bay::
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> XO: Sir, I have a secure channel to the Pakled main computer. Receiving engineering data now...
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> XO: Shall I shut down their engines, sir?
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> CSO: How badly have they screwed up?
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> XO: The radiation appears to be a simple case of blockage in the plasma vents.
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::tries not to laugh at the XO's blunt statement::
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::murmurs with a grin:: XO: Nice, sir.
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> CSO: Go a head and cut their main power, but inform them first, tell them we need the ship to be safe before we can proceed
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> XO: Most of the other engineering systems have problems of one sort or another ... many of them appear to have been essentially configured at random.
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> ::grin:: CMO: Thanks
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> COMM: Pakled vessel: We are going to shut down your main engines in order to begin diagnosis and repair. Please remain calm; we believe that your ship can be restored to working order.
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::shakes her head, still smiling ruefully:: XO: Oh, anytime.  Don't mention it.
<FM_LittleGoo> <Pakled> COMM Quirinus: Then you take us home.  We got lost
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> XO: I feel it is safe to take an away team but with a security detail, small though
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> C: Computer: Initiate controlled shutdown sequence of Pakled main engines.
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> No one in particular: Is it possible to set their ship on autopilot or something to take them home?
<FM_LittleGoo> <C> Kraight: Acknowledged.
<FCO_Cmdr_Ved> :: Shudders at the thought of having those "beings" around for any length of time than is necessary::
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> CMO: Did you ever feel there are some races that never should have advanced beyond the wheel?
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> XO: Pakled engine shutdown underway, Commander.
<FCO_Cmdr_Ved> XO: Sir they are living fossils of that theory.
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::laughs:: XO: More and more often, yes.
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> XO: Of course, I'm not sure they know how to USE the wheel...
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> XO: Sir should I proceed with away team sir?
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::stops herself:: Aloud: Okay.. that was just mean.
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> CMO: Doctor, when the Pakled's engines are fully shut down, the radiation levels should drop to the point that reliable medical readings are possible.
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> OPS: Get the away team ready. CSO: Get as detailed a list of what needs what as you can. OPS: I want the away team to be certain that they attempt to instruct them in the proper maintenance of their ship.
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> OPS: Aye
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::moves closer to the med consol again:: CSO: Wonderful.  Lets see what they've done to themselves....
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::interjects:: XO: It might not be a bad idea to have the team take over some Hyronalin... just in case.
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> CMO: I require your assistance on the away mission in case of any medical issues from the radiation they might have
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> XO: Aye, sir.    ...    C: Computer: Compile maintenance and repair recommendations for Pakled vessel. Compile materials list from completed recommendations.
<FM_LittleGoo> <C> Kraight: Request will take 18 hours.
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::looks at OPS like he's crazy.  Like she was going ANYWHERE with him!::
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> CSO: Ensign I need you help on the away team as well, get the compiled list and join me in Transporter Room 2
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> OPS: I'm sure you'll be fine without me.  Take the medication I suggested and there won't be a problem.
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> XO: Sir, it appears that there is a great deal wrong with that ship. The completed repair manifest won't be ready for 18 hours.
<FCO_Cmdr_Ved> :: Monitors ships drift maintaining distance::
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> ::thinks about we he is going to say:: CMO: They need medical attention as much as we dislike these people I need an attending medical personal on the away team.
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> :: turns back to console ::   C: Computer: Continue work on full list. Compile priority list of all malfunctions aboard the Pakled ship that qualify as a Class Two emergency or higher, with materials manifest to match.
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::pulls herself up to her full height (5 nothing, but whatever) and glares at him:: OPS: First, I have NEVER suggested that only those that I like get my medical attention.  To even suggest that is a HUGE insult.  Secondly, I have never claimed to "dislike" this race.  Third, whom the heck do you think you are to be ordering me around?  ::seething::
<FM_LittleGoo> <C> Kraight: Compilation will take four hours.
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> :: sighs ::  XO: Sir, even a list of priority repairs is going to take a while. I suggest that an engineering team be dispatched to the Pakled ship to at least get their radiation problem under control.
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> ::pulls Morgan aside:: CMO: I am not ordering you I am asking you and I am not insulting you
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> XO: Given past experience with this species, a conspicuous security presence is highly recommended.
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::so ready to throttle him it's not funny:: OPS: We haven't gotten off very well so far... but I would suggest you remove your hand before you lose it. ::through gritted teeth::
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> CSO: Understood ::heavy sigh:: OPS: Have your away team beam over and get the radiation under control. Take anyone you want, with the exception of Kraight, I need him here
<FCO_Cmdr_Ved> XO: Sir. Should they become too underfoot, I could possibly entertain them with a pyrotechique display.
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> ::looks back:: XO: Aye sir
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> CSO: Agreed OPS: Take a security contingent along as well
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> ::taps comm badge:: *Security*: Security to Transporter Room 2 for away mission
<CSO_Ens_Kraight> :: turns back to Science console ::
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::thinks waves and tries to get her temper under control::
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> CMO: You heard the Commander, since he has given me the option of taking along any officer I need I choose you I need medical staff and you are it
<FM_LittleGoo> <Pakled> COMM Quirinus: Are you coming over?  Are we going to have a party?  We have balloons and party hats.  We can play pin the tail on the Klingon.
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::breathes deeply through her nose before responding:: OPS: I'm currently busy.  I would recommend Dr. Johnston go in my place.  I'm sure that our XO wouldn't mind.
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::looks at the XO for confirmation::
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> ::absently:: OPS: Dr. Morgan is working on a project of paramount importance. Take Dr Johnson for medical
<FCO_Cmdr_Ved> ::Shakes head in disbelief of the last Pakled transmission::
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> ::goes into TL and calls Dr. Johnston:: TL: Transporter Room 2 Johnston: I need you in Transporter Room 2, we got some Pakleds on our hands.
<CMO_LtCmdr_Morgan> ::goes back to working on important things and happy thoughts::
<XO_Cmdr_Pangborn> OPS: Inform the Pakleds we are on our way, and we will initiate any further contact
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> ::as doors close:: XO: Aye
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> Computer: Patch communication to Pakled ship COMM: Pakled Ship: Pakled Ship we are on our way with repair crew please stand by
<FM_LittleGoo> <Pakleds> COMM Quirinus: ::Sounds of cheering and clapping and party music starting "Skinny-ma-rinky-dink"::
<OPS_LtJG_Telarus> ::thinks to self when hears music "Oh God"::
<FM_LittleGoo> [[[[[ Pause Mission ]]]]]